Time to hire me, DC Comics

-Batman gets a parking ticket.  Everyone feels a little bad for the cop.  He comes back right as she is tucking it under his bulletproof windshield wiper.  Look–we all know the Penguin’s a bad guy.  But we’ve never seen a duckie boat parked in the red.  You see these signs?  2 hours between Noon and Six? What time is it now?

-Batman orders a mocha with three shots, no whip.  He has an important job but he needs to watch his cals.  When they give it to him the lid isn’t on all the way and now there’s coffee all over the batmobile.  Black leather.  Son of a bitch.

-Batman goes to the big dance.  He doesn’t want to be the only one dancing so he skips the first couple of songs, but then he realizes he missed the sweet spot and it would be weird if he started dancing now.

-Batman gets overdrafted at the bank, for like two dollars.  Now he has to pay like 30-something dollars.

-Batman gets a friend request from the Joker. Again.  “I thought we were already friends,” the message reads.  Batman keeps adding him for a week or so and then trying to subtly take him off his friends list.  It never works.

-Batman should have done laundry on Monday but he felt lazy.  Now the pile has built up all week and all he has left to wear is that batsuit from like 5 years ago that was a present so he had to wear it a couple times even though it doesn’t fit him that great.  He keeps meaning to get rid of that batsuit.

-Batman sees this girl with a magnificent ass.  He walks a little slower than usual so he can stay behind her til the crosswalk.  “Damn,” is what Batman was thinking.  Later on he felt bad because he doesn’t like to think of himself as a misogynist.

-Batman gets a pet cat and one time he buys the fancy $3 food as a treat and now the cat won’t eat the cheap stuff.

-Batman forgets to call his ex on her birthday (I mean they’re not even dating anymore) but he still gets shit about it the following day.  They had to have a whole stupid chat.  He says he’s sorry and then gets mad at himself.

-Batman decides he will go running 3 times a week.  He does it for about a week and a half and then decides to just eat better instead.

-Batman doesn’t show up at Riddler’s party.  He said he wasn’t feeling well but he really just stayed in watching shitty TV.  Now he’s worried he might be antisocial.

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