(Lights up on a bus stop. A bench sits center. HALEY, a woman in her twenties, sits at the bench’s stage left end. She is writing on a small notepad. Enter ALEC, a man near Haley’s age, carrying a boom box in one hand. He approaches the bench.)
ALEC
(Indicating the right side of the bench)
Is this seat taken?
HALEY
No.
ALEC
Oh, great. Thanks.
(Alec sits and sets his boom box down. He presses “play” and nods his head along to the song for a few beats, then gets more into it, making small dance-like motions with his shoulders and arms.)
HALEY
Excuse me—excuse me? Would you mind turning that off? It’s a little distracting.
ALEC
Great song.
HALEY
Uh, yeah, it’s super. But I’d like to get my work done.
(Alec shuts off the boom box)
ALEC
Right. You got it.
(Pause)
I love you.
HALEY
Sorry?
ALEC
Said I love you.
HALEY
…Oh. Thanks?
(She goes back to her work. Alec finds another track on his CD and presses “play” again. A soft love song plays.)
ALEC
That’s not the kind of thing I normally say unless I mean it. I believe in meaning what you say. I’m pretty sure I mean it, so I thought I’d just throw it out there so we can work on it together. …Sweetie?
HALEY
I’m really flattered, but I can’t deal with crazy bus stop people today, thanks.
ALEC
That’s the thing: I’m not crazy!
HALEY
God, make the crazy man leave me alone–
ALEC
I am not crazy!
HALEY
–And may the crazy man let me finish my notes—
ALEC
I swear to you–
–And not have to deal with the morning office troll, amen.
ALEC
…All right, so I’m a little crazy.
HALEY
Really? You had me fooled!
ALEC
Crazy for you!
HALEY
Cute.
(She returns to her notes. Alec skips to another CD track. He presses “play”—it is of Tchaikovsky’s first concerto for piano.)
…That’s Tchaikovsky. I love Tchaikovsky.
ALEC
I know!
HALEY
What?
ALEC
I follow you to the library!
(She stands to leave)
HALEY
I think I’ll call a taxi.
ALEC
No, wait!
HALEY
Yeah, I don’t think so.
ALEC
Wait, please! Can I just ask for one thing?
HALEY
Sure. One thing.
ALEC
I need… a piece of paper.
(Haley gives Alec a piece of paper from her notepad. He turns and quickly folds the paper, then turns back and holds it out for Haley to take.)
A poem for my love!
HALEY
…This is blank.
ALEC
Because… because your beauty cannot be expressed in words!
HALEY
(Drops the “poem” back onto the bench)
This is possibly the worst attempt at a pickup ever.
ALEC
I know.
HALEY
I feel a little sorry for you.
ALEC
Sorry enough to stay?
HALEY
…What time does the express—the thirty-seven? Is it coming soon?
ALEC
You can’t ride the thirty-seven.
HALEY
Mm-hm, and why’s that?
ALEC
You don’t have the fare.
(She looks into her purse, flips through her wallet)
HALEY
I don’t even want to know how you knew that.
ALEC
I’ve got some change!
HALEY
Well, I definitely don’t have enough for a taxi…
ALEC
So you’ll stay!
HALEY
Only for the fare.
ALEC
That’s fine.
HALEY
And the music.
ALEC
Sure.
HALEY
I carry mace.
ALEC
I know.
HALEY
That’s really creepy.
ALEC
Yeah… So! What’s your name?
HALEY
What?
ALEC
Your name! I’m Alec.
(He holds out his hand to shake.)
HALEY
You follow me around like some stalker and you don’t know my name?
ALEC
I wanted to wait. Until I could hear it from you.
HALEY
Oh. That’s… sort of sweet in a weird way.
(She takes his hand and shakes)
Haley.
ALEC
How do you spell that?
HALEY
H-A-L-E–Why do you need the spelling?
ALEC
To write that poem!
HALEY
Oh, so now my beauty can be expressed in words!
ALEC
I’ll keep writing it until I have enough words to express it.
HALEY
And how long is that going to take?
ALEC
I think a very long time.
HALEY
Oh.
(The Tchaikovsky track cuts off. Alec shuts off the boom box and begins to write.)
ALEC
…Not much that rhymes with “Haley”.
HALEY
Bailey, Daily, Failey…
ALEC
I’m pretty sure Failey isn’t a word.
HALEY
Oh.
ALEC
But we could make it one!
HALEY
What sort of word would “Failey” be?
ALEC
“Failey”: description meaning one who often fails.
HALEY
Too depressing.
ALEC
“Failey”: Of or relating to… a person named Faye?
HALEY
Too specific.
ALEC
“Failey”: …nonsense word! Rhymes with Haley.
HALEY
Perfect.
(Alec writes for another moment. Haley stands and looks down the street.)
I need that fare please… Alec.
ALEC
Oh. That was fast.
HALEY
Yeah. What a pity. So, some change, please?
ALEC
You’re going to go?
HALEY
I have to.
ALEC
I don’t have any money.
HALEY
What.
ALEC
But there’s a five-dollar bill in your right back pocket!
(Haley finds the bill and stands staring at Alec.)
I love you!
HALEY
Yeah… I know.
ALEC
So.
HALEY
So.
(They stand and shake hands, then Alec picks up his boom box and skips to a track of violins playing mournfully. He makes some parting gesture, and then turns and walks away off-left.
Haley watches after, then looks to the coming bus and stands. She begins to walk off-right, then quickly returns to the bench and picks up the blank “poem”.
Alec stands, moves to the bus route map, checks his watch.)
ALEC
“Haley”… Route thirty-seven, express. Southbound. Stops: Central Avenue, five-fifteen PM.
(He takes a seat at the bench, smiling.)
ALEC
I’ll be seeing you.
LIGHTS OUT
THE END
(c) 2009
STOMPINGANDYELLING 